My stepdad, Glenn Gates, died one year ago today. Christmas, last year, was obviously different. Every other holiday this year has been the first without him. The most recent was Thanksgiving. At that meal we shared some thoughts, prayed, and lit a candle to remind us of his light, also giving us a symbolic way to have him present. The other thing we did, which I think would have pleased him the most, was enjoyed the food and fellowship.
This Christmas will be different again if that makes any sense.
It will be happy at times, and it will be hard at times.
I know that is true every day for my mom. Not just holidays.
This year was the first college football season without Glenn. He was a huge college football fan, and for whatever reason, an LSU fan. He liked the Longhorns too. A few times this fall I have reached for my phone to send him a quick text message during one of the close, hard-fought Saturday battles on the gridiron as we had a habit of doing while he was alive. In fact, his last messages on my phone were about college football.
My mother, and indirectly, the rest of us, have found a Godsend in the form of a program called GriefShare. From the introduction in the GriefShare workbook, “GriefShare is a network of thousands of grief recovery support groups meeting around the world. GriefShare is a program with direction and purpose. With GriefShare you will learn how to walk the journey of grief and be supported on the way. It is a place where grieving people find healing and hope.”
I attended a few sessions of the program and purchased the materials (workbook and access to videos). The program works with a combination of expert video instruction, including mental health professionals and spiritual leaders, small group discussions, and personal reflection. The resources are very high quality and the organization of the entire program is excellent!
I am taking a pause from the usual stuff I write about here to simply acknowledge that many people are facing tough losses, and the holiday season exaggerates their pain instead of relieving it. More than that, though, I want to plug GriefShare to let people know there are quality resources out there that also have an emphasis on making sense of God through the process. Christ is such a key figure in our grief journey and being honest with Him as we mourn is something we figure out with the help of others. If you are going through a hard time because of the loss of a loved one, then you may want to consider checking out GriefShare.
In one of our recent small, simple church group meetings, as we are studying a book about anger, we discussed the realization of knowing that God, for whatever reason, has chosen to be One who does not always remove our pain from us. In fact, He rarely does so. Instead, He prefers to draw close to us and walk with us through the pain. We learn so much more about Him and ourselves that way. Pain in this world leaves us with a great deal of mystery, saturated with the unknown and lack of certainty, questioning why so often. Perhaps in a painless world, we would have it all figured out and not wonder or imagine.
I am one who likes to avoid pain. I certainly don’t request it, but I do acknowledge that only in our real world does hope have any meaning and power. In a fictitious world without pain, I can’t imagine I would know anything about love or honor, or grace either.
Tonight, we will gather with family at one of Glenn’s favorite restaurants and celebrate some recent events and accomplishments together while remembering him. We will miss Glenn, but we will also smile and be grateful for the part he played in helping us get to where we are today.
Blessings to you this holiday season!
Glenn was such a good man and very loved by his family and friends. I miss him and I grieve for your mom and all your family. Thanks for posting; it was helpful to read it . Praying.